Thursday, August 8, 2013

Lost Between These Walls

No home and no job.  I am ensconced in chaos.  I'd like to feel I wear it well, but I fear I am not the person I wish I was.  I am a seeker of freedom and no walls enclose me, yet I am litterally building them up as you read this.  Everything we create must be maintained.  Man's creation requires his constant re-creation of creation.  

Just as the pyramids are slowly grinding down into sand, so my identity slowly disintegrates even as I try to grasp at the grains as they fly away.
I cannot re-create what I thought I was, but I still long for the illusion of that past self...

It used to be that I looked towards the immediacy of the future and saw myself in everything -saw everything as myself, saw God, saw Identity, saw One.  Now I look forward and see nothing - uncertainty, Being, Void. 

Buddhists try to rid themselves of ego.  "No-self"they call it.  But the most enlightened among them admit that this is impossible.  Even the egoless always has a minimal presence.  A minimal ego that lets there be an attaining of "no-self".  The smaller the ego, the harder it is to shatter.  If it shatters, however, the void bears down that much harder and the seeker of light finds darkness that much more blinding...